


Stuck

by chrissy2



Category: Bon Jovi
Genre: 2013 Marriage Equality In The United States, Double Life, M/M, Mid-life Crisis, Too Late To Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 12:28:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7801867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrissy2/pseuds/chrissy2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2013. The real story is trapped at the back of his tongue. It tries to escape when people keep asking on and on and on about that night. The night he left. They keep insisting that it was more than just him leaving without a word. And they're right. But Jon cannot ever say it aloud, and neither can he. He's stuck, Richie's stuck, and so is the story. It will be stuck in time, forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuck

**Author's Note:**

> This is ultimately a work of fiction that is not meant to harm the real-life personalities. No profit, just entertainment.

**I**

[Interviewer:]  _Is_ _it okay to ask you about Richie or would you rather not -_

[Jon:] "I just don't think there's anything to say. You know, he quit, and nobody's heard him since."

 

**II**

The real story threatens to roll off his tongue any day now, threatens to just jump from the window and off itself. It threatens to do this every single fucking time someone asks about it.

 

**III**

Jon knew Richie would bring the possibility up sooner or later. Really, Jon just wanted him to get it over with, to tell him and beg him. The guy was hopeless with keeping things to himself for too long. Why else do you think he nearly drank himself to death to keep quiet, to swallow and swallow and swallow that damned secret off his tongue and down his throat over and over. It was eating him alive and Jon's mind would always fly back to when they were younger, when it felt like it was only a matter of time before they could open themselves out to the world, when they had so much hope for the future.

Then when it dawned on Jon that that day would never come, Richie was insistent. He would look at Jon with a fierceness and whisper: "I'll wait [for you]. I will not leave you. Ever. I'll follow you wherever you go. You are the one for me. I will wait. I'm not giving up on you."

Richie was so sure that if he waited long enough, Jon would come around when he was ready. Even when entire years passed, Richie never left him. Somehow, the secrecy was comfortable. There was a thrill to it that filled in the hole they started feeling in their thirties. It grew bigger with age, not beginning to ache until their forties or fifties. Jon handled it pretty well, juggling the double life like he juggled everything else, but Richie was suffocating.

 

**IV**

"Jon," the guitarist finally whispers, with a mixture of nervousness and the most excitement he had heard from the man in years. "It's a sign, Jon. You believe in signs, don't you?"

Jon turns his head, mumbling, "I don't know."

"It got legalized in all fifty states, Jon! We can finally be together."

Jon's eyes dart about the floor and his mouth remains ajar, quivering, on the verge of speaking. His chest opened and swelled and closed.

Richie inches closer, reaching for Jon's hand. "It's gonna be okay. We can make it work. Your kids will understand." Richie squeezes his hand, pleading for a response. _"Please."_

 

**V**

The reality was that they were not getting any younger. They were fifty. They were dying. When the birthdays came, there were a lot of jokes, but the macabre always lingered: Their lives were coming to an end. And they did not want to die alone.

When they are lying on their death bed, someone has to be there with them. It was all they thought about. If Jon left Dot, she would die alone. But if he, in the end, chose her over Rich - who would be there for him?

 

**VI**

Jon finally looks up at the hopeful man. Marriage equality had finally been legalized - but it was too late. Twenty years too late.

All he can do is reach up to touch Richie's cheek and lean in for a tearful kiss in response.

He knew Richie would leave. He knew he would find someone else. He was not going to let Richie die alone. He had had him more than enough times in his life, through the shadow of his marriage, everything else he had ever accomplished.

 

**VII**

He would look back at their younger selves, when they felt so much life in their first kisses and strokes and slaps, and felt a moment of regret. If they hadn't had dared to cross the line, this pain would have been avoided. But at the same time, he was beyond grateful for all those wonderful times. Because after all, you only had one life.

Then, there would come a different kind of regret - that he had chosen the wrong person.

 


End file.
